Going to the movies is one of my favorite things in the world to do, if not THE favorite pastime of mine. How amazing is it when you sit in that dark auditorium and suspend your disbelief long enough that you get sucked into a film and forget you're watching it? The environment greatly helps the spectacle in many ways. Comedies are usually funnier if you're around more people who are laughing. Action films pump you up more if the adrenaline floats around the room. The popcorn is hot and buttery, the screen is huge, the sound is deafening, and a fun time is had by all (unless the movie sucks). That being said, there are some really annoying people you can interact with at a movie theatre that I figured we'd poke some fun at and examine.

Keep in mind, as indicated here, I just went through the 12+hour Ultimate Marvel Movie Marathon, so I came across a few of these just yesterday.

1. The Tall Guy
Enough said, right? Seeing the movie screen is vital to the whole experience. In fact, it's the most vital ingredient to it.

2. The Short Person Complaining About the Tall Guy
Ever sit next to the short person behind the tall guy? They fidget and grunt and groan the entire time, even afterward. It's insensitive to say so, but hey...I can see the movie fine. Stop ruining it for me. Sit on your coat or purse or something.

3. The Person Who Keeps Going to the Bathroom
You couldn't have peed before the movie started or before you got here? Or is it that you just have a really small bladder and can't sit 120 minutes without a draining? Maybe you shouldn't be drinking that giant soda if that's a problem. Oh God, why are you going for refills!

4. The Talker
Shut up! A quick 3 words to the person next to you whispered quietly is ok, but don't legitimately have a conversation or just speak as though you're NOT in a movie theater. This goes double for children. A variant of this is the cell phone user that has their bright screen out the entire time, texting people and having it buzz really loudly - because the buzzing is silent mode and we don't hear that, right?

5. Whomever is Responsible for the Sticky Floor
We're talking about normal movie theaters here, not the ones where the sticky substance is most likely not popcorn, candy, or soda.

6. The Backseat Kicker
An accidental bump here and there when you're shifting in your chair is perfectly fine, specifically if it's a light tap. If it's anything more, whisper "sorry" and we're cool, just don't do it again. But have you ever sat in front of someone that legitimately was just kicking your seat out of boredom? How rude is that?

7. Giggly Teenage Girls / Crying Babies
OMG like that guy is TOTALLY hot. Let's laugh over the stupidest shit and get out our cell phones and text each other about what we just saw happen in the movie. I lump this together with crying kids because they're both potentially ear-shattering with a high pitched squeal.

8. The Late Entrant
This is the guy that shows up at the last second before the movie starts, when the lights have gone down and you're all psyched up for it, then you notice him and you're suddenly right back to remembering that you're in a movie theater. Extra bonus points if they also sit in front of you after you sat through all the previews thinking that you had an empty slot.

9. The Early Leaver
The credits haven't even come on and these people are already standing up and leaving. Some of them will stand at the back of the auditorium and watch the rest of it, hoping that they'll be able to pop through those doors and out to the parking lot before everyone else. Gotta beat that traffic! Others might not even bother watching the rest of it. I have zero idea how they can do that and just miss the end of a movie they paid to watch and invested all that time in. I personally stay until the credits are over with unless I'm in a big rush (and really, if I'm in a big rush, why did I have time to go to the movies?) but I can understand why others don't. Not every film has a credit cookie. However, if I know ahead of time that there's supposed to be one, I try to help out the other people sitting in the theater along with me and tell them that there's a post-credits scene.

10. The Person Who Doesn't Understand the Movie
You both just sat through the whole thing, beginning to end, and yet they need to ask you a thousand questions about it as if they've never seen it. Did you pay any attention or are you just stupid?

So do you have any funny/interesting stories to tell about your experiences at the movies? Let us know in the comments below!



This site is dead and has been for a long while, for multiple reasons—not the least of which is that it's of a different era (roughly 2007). You can no longer safely play around with discussing gray areas with a humorous twist. People don't read between the lines. If they want to be offended, they'll twist what you said to mean whatever they want, and you're guilty no matter what. Or, on the flip-side, instead of being too sensitive, they'll think you're somehow defending their awfully bigoted or shameful viewpoints, even if you aren't. Both extreme sides of everything are so black/white dumb that it's an impossible minefield to navigate. If anything on here doesn't age well, sorry; times have changed, and so do people, for better or worse. Get over it. (It being "everything") There is always more important shit out there going on. Out on limbs.



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