10 Things I Hate About Facebook

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Facebook is great. It sure beats the crap out of MySpace, right? But with all great things, there's the bad that goes with it - the fly in the soup. These are ten things I can't stand about Facebook:

1) That stupid fish face girls make. It's not attractive. At all.The gang signs as well. It was probably funny when the first few people did it, but that was years ago.

2) Older people. If you don't even know what "omg" means, you shouldn't be on Facebook. Plus, most of your friends are probably dead anyway.

3) Putting a picture of your kid as your profile pic. I get it, your kid is the biggest part of your life (as they should be). But that's not you. At the very least, if you're DESPERATE to have a picture of your kid in your profile, make it a picture of yourself holding your kid or something. Don't just put up a picture of an ultrasound or your kid staring blankly at a camera (or, God forbid, dressing up the kid in something stupid).

4) Applications that beg you (or force you) to allow it to spam the shit out of your friends. You click on something and before you get a chance to do anything, you're hit with a request for your email, a request to let it post shit "without asking", and then you finally get to the app and it's nothing but ads.

5) When you comment or "like" something and the next time you check, you've got 50 notifications - all telling you about other people that commented on the same thing and carried on some long-winded conversation you don't give a shit about.

6) People that have photo albums that include stuff they've taken from Google Images (rather than shooting with their own camera) because they think it makes them interesting if they've got a picture of a leaf or a water ripple or a group of hearts and stars (and ponies and rainbows and flowers!!1!).

7) When someone uses their first and middle name, rather than their surname. Some argue that they don't want any potential job opportunities ruined by what is on their Facebook. I say, first, they can find you on Facebook very easily without your surname. It isn't hard. Second, if it's that bad, why are you putting it on the internet where everyone can see it? And finally, if you're doing something that you think could prevent getting a job, maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place?

8) When fat people only show their face in their profile pic and you think "oh, she looks potentially kind of cute, maybe", but the rest of their pics are hidden. You send them a request, they accept, and then you see what Free Willy's been up to over the past few years.

9) Just when you get used to something, they change it - and almost always, it's changed for the worse. Their frequent M.O. is to take away several options you used to have which offered some customization, replace it with some mandatory obstructive crap (especially when it requires more interaction with ads), and try to mask it under the motive of being an upgrade. Look out for phrases like "allow for a better social experience" or "make things more accessible". That usually translates to "remember how you used to be able to ___? Well, now you can't. Instead, look at this list of affiliates! You should totally become a fan of them."

and the aspect of Facebook that inspired me writing this particular article...

10) When someone constantly updates their status and you notice that in every single one of them, they mention that they're spending time with their boyfriend or girlfriend. That's nothing remarkable. In fact, it's only interesting in the reverse. If you only see them once a month, that's when you let everyone know, as that's at least partially interesting. You SHOULD be spending time with your bf/gf. Stop broadcasting updates every hour about how you're hanging out with them. Nobody cares. There are only three reasons people do this. One is for males, one is unisex, and one is female only. The male-only reason is that they've got a controlling girlfriend that wants them to let everyone know constantly about how they're "the cutest couple oh ma godzz". The unisex reason is that they're in need of perpetual reassurance that they've got something to boast about. Fragile egos. The female and most prevalent reason is that women love to make other women jealous of them. Guaranteed if you hook them up to a lie detector (and if they were honest with themselves) a large majority of the girls that do this are doing it because they really just want other girls they know to read the updates and envy them (because as we all know, every new boyfriend is "the one" and they have to create a new photo album about how "this time I got it right" or "I'm going to love only this guy forever" lol).

Ten things I hate about Facebook. What are some of the things you hate?



This site is dead and has been for a long while, for multiple reasons—not the least of which is that it's of a different era (roughly 2007). You can no longer safely play around with discussing gray areas with a humorous twist. People don't read between the lines. If they want to be offended, they'll twist what you said to mean whatever they want, and you're guilty no matter what. Or, on the flip-side, instead of being too sensitive, they'll think you're somehow defending their awfully bigoted or shameful viewpoints, even if you aren't. Both extreme sides of everything are so black/white dumb that it's an impossible minefield to navigate. If anything on here doesn't age well, sorry; times have changed, and so do people, for better or worse. Get over it. (It being "everything") There is always more important shit out there going on. Out on limbs.



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