Lady Gaga is 50% Hot

Posted by Anthony Mango Monday, March 1, 2010

So as I naturally do with any type of uber-popular fad, when everyone was going crazy over Lady Gaga, I paid no attention to her. Now that the hype has died down, I figured I'd take a look at her on my own. Her songs are kind of catchy, not fantastic, but that's not what really piqued my curiosity. That, in fact, is her looks...more specifically the fact that in the right light, she looks HOT, but in yet another light, YEESH.

Anybody remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend looked fantastic in the dark but whenever he brought her into a more highly lit area, she suddenly dropped 4 points on the beauty scale? It looks like Lady Gaga is a victim of the same thing.

For your viewing pleasure, Exhibit A:

Hot.

Granted, she looks like she's got a bit of a Lobot from Empire thing going on, but that's ok. Even if it looks like the girl does part of her clothes shopping at Staples, this pic is still worthy of lots of "I'd like to poke her face if you know what I mean" jokes, cause she's cute as hell looking in it. If she looked like this all the time, well, then there would be no reason for this post, now would there? Which brings us to Exhibit B:

Not. At all.

WTF happened to that pretty face? Did someone punch the fuck out of it? Ok, so let's give her some credit...not everyone takes a perfect picture all the time. We all have our pics where we look like gargoyles. Maybe she can redeem herself in Exhibit C:

Very hot.

Redeemed. Hot. Sure, she still has something on her face, though this time instead of Star Wars, she's going for the KISS look. But still, you compare this and the first picture and you'd be stupid not to hit that. So has she given herself credibility by having a 2-1 score? Well, unfortunately, that brings us to Exhibit D:

Ouch.

What a fucking mess. You can see here that the "bigger" aspect that should have gone to her tits was transferred to her nose, and the "better shaped" attribute was thrown the fuck out the window for both of them. It's not a pretty flattering picture when the first thing that could pop into your mind by looking at it is "I wonder if she knows Amy Winehouse?"

So I've got to ask, what's up with all the fucking weird ass costumes and random accessories? I'm surprised I haven't come across a picture of her wearing a hat made out of a Cheerios box and a couple of rooster feathers. She kind of reminds me of when you allow a little kid to dress themselves, except with her, she was given full access to a high school musical prop closet. Come to think of it, she could use a facial addition when it comes to two of those pics....a paper bag. Also, what's up with her not wearing pants? I swear, you Google this chick and in every picture, she's wearing something that looks like a 1970's take on futuristic one-piece bathing suits.

I've got to assume that when you run into Lady Gaga in person, it's a 50/50 shot as to whether or not your first reaction to seeing her will be to get a boner or to dry heave. If she ever poses for Playboy or anything of the sort, let's all hope that she's caught on one of her good days, instead of having a cover girl that you'd sit in the back of a restaurant so as to not scare any little kids that come in. For those of you that looked only at Exhibit A and Exhibit C, you'll be having wet dreams tonight. For those of you that had looked only at Exhibit B and D, you'll be having nightmares.


 

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