To Coin A Phrase: My Two Cents

Posted by Anthony Mango Friday, January 2, 2009

I have a feeling this will be a regular segment: my bashing of some popular phrases, sayings, and words that people use that I feel are either ridiculous, pathetic, or just plain stupid lol. So welcome to what most likely will be the first installment in a very long series of pointing out grammatical errors and slashing down cultural weeds.

1. Redunkulous - One of those "hey I twisted around a word and I think I'm being original" things. This word sucks, plain and simple. In fact, you know the best way to describe this? RIDICULOUS. Yeah, the real word. Here's a tip for everyone that uses this word. Do you know what the three sections that make up this word actually means? "Re-" is a prefix that means "again". Dunk is the past tense of "to submerge". And "-ulous" is a suffix that means "inclined to do". So officially, you are not saying something is ridiculous, or absurd, or any of the variants. You are saying something continues to previously partake in the act of submerging something. Grammatical faults on top of a nonsense meaning and the word isn't even funny enough to warrant one of those "well I use it because I think its humorous" responses. Oh, and one more thing. You're not being witty, sarcastic, or original in using it, so get off that high horse.

2. Ginormous - Another one of those "I say it because I think its cute" words. Apparently nobody can say gigantic or enormous anymore. They have to combine the two words into a hybrid. Again, this is not cute, this is not funny, and it is not original or creative. Anybody can do it. Look, I'll do it right now. Instead of saying "great" or "wonderful", how about we all start saying "greaterful"? Oh the creative juices are flowing now baby! Knock it off with this word already.

3. "Nah mean?" - Am I the only person that has ever noticed that the people that repetitively say "nah mean" are usually the people that are never saying anything of any worth in the first place? The more you ask me if I know what you're saying, the less you are actually saying something I want to listen to. It appears as though most conversations that include this phrase are about the most mundane and trivial crap. "So I went to the store, nah mean, and I got a pack of cigarettes, nah mean, and I was talking to my girlfriend, know what I'm saying, and..." For fuck's sake, if you're talking to someone and they can't even comprehend simple sentences, STOP TALKING TO THEM. They aren't worth the effort. And you have to pick at some time whether "nah" is slang for "no" or "do you know", as there are too many people already that mix up no/know as it is and pretty soon they're going to fry their little dipshit brains trying to decipher which one is what. You know what I mean?

4. "You can't have your cake and eat it too." - I've always thought this was a rather stupid phrase because it makes no true sense. If you were to buy a cake, what the hell purpose would you have it for other than to eat it? Essentially, this phrase teaches people that if you obtain something, it doesn't matter what you use it for. Would you say this for other things? You can't have your car and drive it too? You can't have your house and live in it too? Hey, you're expecting too much. After all, you can't have your oxygen and breathe it too. The heart of the phrase is supposed to be a lesson in incompatibility, saying if you eat your cake, you won't have any of it left. Well the other side of the argument is, "if you have your cake and you don't eat it, you just wasted your money on a cake that isn't used at all". Cake is food. Food is meant to be eaten. There is no choice in the matter. Either you eat it or you don't, and if you aren't planning on eating it, then you simply don't get it in the first place. So nobody who doesn't want cake should ever just get it for no reason, and everybody that gets cake should do it with the intentions of eating it. If you really want to have a lesson in choice which equates to "you can't have it both ways", I've always said the much better saying would be "you can't have both soup AND salad for your free appetizer", as we all know you get one choice between the two at a restaraunt.

5. "First!" - For all you people that go out of your way to post this on someone's blog or website or YouTube video, listen to a fellow man behind the screen...get a fucking life. What possible sense of accomplishment do you get out of being the first person to comment on something? I highly doubt anybody will ever look back into the records of time and rain praise upon BattlestarFan247 because he posted 3 seconds before anybody else on a news feed about a new still shot from an upcoming film. By the way, I'm well aware that those reading this will be tempted to post "first" as a comment as it would be rather comedic. Too bad I just spoiled it for you. :)

6. "I seen" - Ugh, no. You saw, and you've seen. Those are the correct forms. And no, "I sawed" is not acceptable.

7. Shawty - Another entry into my war with AAVE. I can understand calling someone "Shorty" as a nickname if they're short. Its just a fun little pet name to identify somebody. But "Shawty" is not only bad spelling and has that annoying twang to it, but it just seems odd to me that it has become a term of endearment. Being called short is almost always an insult, so why would someone get butterflies in their stomach if someone called them that? I'm sure my girlfriend would rather me call her "sweetheart" rather than "dwarf". Even weirder is when its used as the equivalent of "baby" for a man. I know, I know, here comes the backlash of "but Tony, since when is it bad that a woman can be taller than a man?" and before I get that response, I'll point out that it isn't. Its not usually the norm, though, and since men typically have fragile egos when it comes to their appearance (especially their size - look at the Joe Pesci Syndrome going around) it doesn't click in my head why someone would want to be called that. What's most annoying about this is that it won't die out until someone comes up with something equally bad or worse and that takes over as the fad phrase. Anybody remember "jawn"? Yeah. Look back in a year or so and see if anybody is using Shawty anymore.

8. Numbered Abbreviations - Outside of the ones that are medical terms and such, of course, numbered abbreviations are a pain in the ass. Is it so, so hard to type "for" rather than 4? Is "to" just too many keys to type, so you have to hit 2, despite the difference in meaning? Get your lazy asses to work and type out the right words. If you defeat every person in a competition, you have not "1" the competition, you "won" it. Honestly, people have typed out sentences such as "I 1 2 go 2 the store b4 it closes", rather than "I want to go to the store before it closes". Everyone who does this deserves a punch in the face. You'd be pretty pissed if I handed you a piece of paper that said "won dollar bill" on it when I owed you $1, right?

9. Mama Dukes - Not only do I hate the word "mama" (or "ma", "mom-mom", "pop-pop", "papa", "pa", etc), but I also don't like "duke" as it just makes me automatically think of some low-brow meatheaded doofy son of a bitch type of guy lol. Put those two together and you get an overused phrase that was never funny in the first place. This is yet another case of people thinking they're funny when they do it but not realizing that so many other people have already jumped on the chance and has rendered it a common occurrence. On top of that, its so sad when you see a woman who has been called mama dukes and thinks its hilarious and starts bragging to everybody about it. Aren't my children so funny? They call me mama dukes! What a larf. Sorry to break the news to you, but you're nothing special lol. Maybe next week your kids will jump on the other bandwagon and start calling you "the parentals" and you can try to get your hopes up again.

10. "A penny saved is a penny earned." - Simply put, no, it isn't. Merely not spending currency does not lead to earning more. The only way that happens is when you put it in the bank and it accumulates interest, in which case this is still a stretch, as no interest rates are that good out there. If you were to put one penny into a bank account, your interest would not equal a duplication until so many years later that it wouldn't have been worth it in the first place. Patience is a virtue, but waiting X number of years for one more cent is foolish. Now, I'm a saver and I'm tight with my money. It seems to me that every time I save my money, something comes up where I need it and I'm glad I saved it. But no person of sound mind should ever say that by saving it, you're earning more, because you aren't.

And with that fitting end, there are my two cents.

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